Digging up Bones
Recently I was looking through the documents on my laptop and found this never-before-posted blog. It may be digging up bones, but the wounds have not healed and I think there is a good lesson in there. Enjoy and comment.
The Steps
As I read scripture, I see a faith practice drenched in love, forgiveness and understanding. Does scripture have strict laws? Yes. Are there severe consequences for breaking those laws? Yes. But, I propose that we have completely missed the boat on the order of enforcing those regulations. I wonder if we even have the authority to enforce scripture. I recall that Matthew 7:1-3 instructs us not to judge or else we will be judged. And maybe I am being judgmental in my feelings, but I am an aware individual. I know that certain things do not regularly take place as they should.
Jesus gives us an excellent way to handle conflict. Especially among one another, but the principle works in general. That makes sense because the great teacher is also the creator. His principles and teachings apply in all things. His instruction is found in Matthew 18. First He talks about how God, the Father does not want to lose a single sheep and asks us to be vigilant on keeping the sheep. That is us, one another, and our children. He asks us to not only to be ever watchful, but also go out of our way to retrieve each other when we go astray. This is important context because it sets the stage for the following instruction. It tells us that we are to look after each other just like God looks after each one of us. So when one of us slips, this is how He says we should handle it.
First, He says (v. 15) if your brother sins against you. It is noted in my translation that some of the manuscripts do not include the phrase ‘against you,’ but I understand why the translators kept the phrase in there. If this passage deals with handling conflict, most people are not going to get too riled up over an individual sinning when it does not affect or hurt anyone else. However, if we look at the context already mentioned, it would lead us to believe that we should look at these instructions as being more holistic rather than limited in scope.
Next He says, “Go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” This, I believe, is absolutely the most difficult step. This asks us to be personal upfront and frankly all up in a brother’s business. This is calling someone out. The dreaded confrontation. But, ask yourself honestly, who is the most likely person to remedy a conflict if not the person that you have the conflict with? This is the best way to honor an individual with which you have an issue. In some instances, the offending person is completely unaware of his/her offense. In other cases, the offender may very well have background information that would be beneficial to the person wronged to understand and move forward toward healing, resolution, and restoration. On the other hand the offender may continue to be offensive, the problem remains, and feelings persist in being hurt. Jesus has an answer for this, but before we get there…
Why is the first step so hard? We have already talked about getting all up in someone’s business. Nobody likes that to happen to themselves and so we don’t like to do it to others, even if it will make the relationship better, more honest, and more productive. We would prefer to stew, brood, and recruit allies to our wounded cause. Sometimes we house this in the context of seeking counsel. This is a very Biblical thought, seeking counsel. However, many times we go to bad counselors or ones that don’t need to be brought in at this step. What that does is spreads the offense around and makes it even more damaging. Now, the offender has been wronged, because now instead of taking the mature and scriptural, albeit difficult first step of getting up in someone’s business, we have spread someone’s business. This makes reconciliation so much more difficult. This has stooped to politics and gossip. I also think, purely from observation, that many people like to be mad, take offense at everything, and brood. Going about righting the ship, would get in the way of the pleasurable experience of being angry. Many of you think I’m crazy for this point, but I bet you find I am right in some cases.
Okay, now back to the steps. Remember we have an offender that is not budging and an offended person who took the right step, but got more injured in the process. Not a great plan if it stops there, but it does not because it is perfect remember? Jesus goes on (v. 16) to say, “If he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’” This gives the offender another chance of redemption. It would have been better for the offender to change or resolve the issue at the first step, but this way he/she has another chance and may be persuaded by the others. Jesus sets this up like a lawyer on Law & Order so that there are witnesses to give testimony. This is critical in this undertaking because if this process is taken to the very end, it is devastating to the church and the offending individual. However, the “witnesses” also serve as separate and respected voices that are hopefully not as emotionally involved and therefore potentially more persuasive to either and both parties. This gives the offender the all important chance to redeem him/herself and/or the offended person to realize that the offense is unwarranted or understandable at the very least.
Well, we have been quite diligent and forgiving to this point, but this offender is still offensive. If this is the case, Jesus says (v. 17) “tell it to the church.” He does not set this up as a punishment, but instead as another opportunity. Hopefully this will awaken the family at large of the problem and then more deliberation can take place. The church family can plead for the offender to change or make amends. The offender gets another chance of redemption in the family. How many chances is that now, three? And I bet that in between all of these steps there is intercessory prayer, further meetings and discussion, fasting, meditation, and a whole host of opportunities for the offense to be resolved.
Now comes the severe earthly consequences for this offense. Jesus says (v. 17) “if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” That is rough. During that time pagans and tax collectors were the lowest of the low. No one would associate with these wretched creatures. If Jesus said it today he might say treat him like a homosexual, an abortionist, or a liberal. Of course, we know that we are supposed to love everyone, especially our enemies. Pagans and tax collectors are the very people with which Jesus chose to spend all of His time. If he was here today, I am convinced that He would spend His time with the people we treat the worst and look down on the most. So here we see it again the analogy of the diligent shepherd looking over His flock not wanting anyone to be lost. In fact, to stick with context, just 4 verses later, Jesus is asked “How many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Wow, impressive Peter. You are quite the forgiver aren’t you? No, that is not what Jesus said. Jesus said, “I tell you not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Who can keep up with all of those forgiving acts? I can not which I think is the point. I’m glad I have a shepherd like that. I wonder off the path all the time. I am one goofy sheep, but the Shepherd always finds me and leads me back to the flock. He always gives me another chance. I love Him. I look for Him when I find my self lost. I listen for His voice and walk to it. His voice is a comfort, the only real comfort.
So, what about these steps? How do we do them? Well, I’ll tell you from experience that we usually skip steps. The first step is skipped most frequently. I also think the hidden step of asking someone if they have taken the first step before joining in on step two or three is usually missed. Other hidden steps like praying and loving are skipped. We just rush to the treating people like refuse.
I feel like refuse. I feel like I have been tossed into the garbage. Not the recycling bin which is smelly and foul enough, but the garbage. The garbage has no hope of being useful again. It is the lowest of the low. I do not feel loved. The amount of reaching out to me and my family can be described as limited at best. So now, I am guilty of not taking the aforementioned steps. I have not confronted, got all up in someone else’s business. I just sit here hurt and feeling worthless. I just assume that everyone is aware how much pain I am enduring and they simply do not care. Or worse, they are not thinking about it at all. So, I’m sure I will continue the endless and vicious cycle. I’ll walk away. I have resolved to no longer be negative, but I am sinfully bitter. My pride is overwhelming. Even if I go back now, I would just be a downer that no one will want to deal with. I want to be stronger and better, but I am struggling. Right now I am lost and looking for the Shepherd. I am listening for His voice. I know He is speaking to me, but His voice is not in the thunder or the lightening, but in the gentle wind.
The Steps
As I read scripture, I see a faith practice drenched in love, forgiveness and understanding. Does scripture have strict laws? Yes. Are there severe consequences for breaking those laws? Yes. But, I propose that we have completely missed the boat on the order of enforcing those regulations. I wonder if we even have the authority to enforce scripture. I recall that Matthew 7:1-3 instructs us not to judge or else we will be judged. And maybe I am being judgmental in my feelings, but I am an aware individual. I know that certain things do not regularly take place as they should.
Jesus gives us an excellent way to handle conflict. Especially among one another, but the principle works in general. That makes sense because the great teacher is also the creator. His principles and teachings apply in all things. His instruction is found in Matthew 18. First He talks about how God, the Father does not want to lose a single sheep and asks us to be vigilant on keeping the sheep. That is us, one another, and our children. He asks us to not only to be ever watchful, but also go out of our way to retrieve each other when we go astray. This is important context because it sets the stage for the following instruction. It tells us that we are to look after each other just like God looks after each one of us. So when one of us slips, this is how He says we should handle it.
First, He says (v. 15) if your brother sins against you. It is noted in my translation that some of the manuscripts do not include the phrase ‘against you,’ but I understand why the translators kept the phrase in there. If this passage deals with handling conflict, most people are not going to get too riled up over an individual sinning when it does not affect or hurt anyone else. However, if we look at the context already mentioned, it would lead us to believe that we should look at these instructions as being more holistic rather than limited in scope.
Next He says, “Go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” This, I believe, is absolutely the most difficult step. This asks us to be personal upfront and frankly all up in a brother’s business. This is calling someone out. The dreaded confrontation. But, ask yourself honestly, who is the most likely person to remedy a conflict if not the person that you have the conflict with? This is the best way to honor an individual with which you have an issue. In some instances, the offending person is completely unaware of his/her offense. In other cases, the offender may very well have background information that would be beneficial to the person wronged to understand and move forward toward healing, resolution, and restoration. On the other hand the offender may continue to be offensive, the problem remains, and feelings persist in being hurt. Jesus has an answer for this, but before we get there…
Why is the first step so hard? We have already talked about getting all up in someone’s business. Nobody likes that to happen to themselves and so we don’t like to do it to others, even if it will make the relationship better, more honest, and more productive. We would prefer to stew, brood, and recruit allies to our wounded cause. Sometimes we house this in the context of seeking counsel. This is a very Biblical thought, seeking counsel. However, many times we go to bad counselors or ones that don’t need to be brought in at this step. What that does is spreads the offense around and makes it even more damaging. Now, the offender has been wronged, because now instead of taking the mature and scriptural, albeit difficult first step of getting up in someone’s business, we have spread someone’s business. This makes reconciliation so much more difficult. This has stooped to politics and gossip. I also think, purely from observation, that many people like to be mad, take offense at everything, and brood. Going about righting the ship, would get in the way of the pleasurable experience of being angry. Many of you think I’m crazy for this point, but I bet you find I am right in some cases.
Okay, now back to the steps. Remember we have an offender that is not budging and an offended person who took the right step, but got more injured in the process. Not a great plan if it stops there, but it does not because it is perfect remember? Jesus goes on (v. 16) to say, “If he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’” This gives the offender another chance of redemption. It would have been better for the offender to change or resolve the issue at the first step, but this way he/she has another chance and may be persuaded by the others. Jesus sets this up like a lawyer on Law & Order so that there are witnesses to give testimony. This is critical in this undertaking because if this process is taken to the very end, it is devastating to the church and the offending individual. However, the “witnesses” also serve as separate and respected voices that are hopefully not as emotionally involved and therefore potentially more persuasive to either and both parties. This gives the offender the all important chance to redeem him/herself and/or the offended person to realize that the offense is unwarranted or understandable at the very least.
Well, we have been quite diligent and forgiving to this point, but this offender is still offensive. If this is the case, Jesus says (v. 17) “tell it to the church.” He does not set this up as a punishment, but instead as another opportunity. Hopefully this will awaken the family at large of the problem and then more deliberation can take place. The church family can plead for the offender to change or make amends. The offender gets another chance of redemption in the family. How many chances is that now, three? And I bet that in between all of these steps there is intercessory prayer, further meetings and discussion, fasting, meditation, and a whole host of opportunities for the offense to be resolved.
Now comes the severe earthly consequences for this offense. Jesus says (v. 17) “if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” That is rough. During that time pagans and tax collectors were the lowest of the low. No one would associate with these wretched creatures. If Jesus said it today he might say treat him like a homosexual, an abortionist, or a liberal. Of course, we know that we are supposed to love everyone, especially our enemies. Pagans and tax collectors are the very people with which Jesus chose to spend all of His time. If he was here today, I am convinced that He would spend His time with the people we treat the worst and look down on the most. So here we see it again the analogy of the diligent shepherd looking over His flock not wanting anyone to be lost. In fact, to stick with context, just 4 verses later, Jesus is asked “How many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Wow, impressive Peter. You are quite the forgiver aren’t you? No, that is not what Jesus said. Jesus said, “I tell you not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Who can keep up with all of those forgiving acts? I can not which I think is the point. I’m glad I have a shepherd like that. I wonder off the path all the time. I am one goofy sheep, but the Shepherd always finds me and leads me back to the flock. He always gives me another chance. I love Him. I look for Him when I find my self lost. I listen for His voice and walk to it. His voice is a comfort, the only real comfort.
So, what about these steps? How do we do them? Well, I’ll tell you from experience that we usually skip steps. The first step is skipped most frequently. I also think the hidden step of asking someone if they have taken the first step before joining in on step two or three is usually missed. Other hidden steps like praying and loving are skipped. We just rush to the treating people like refuse.
I feel like refuse. I feel like I have been tossed into the garbage. Not the recycling bin which is smelly and foul enough, but the garbage. The garbage has no hope of being useful again. It is the lowest of the low. I do not feel loved. The amount of reaching out to me and my family can be described as limited at best. So now, I am guilty of not taking the aforementioned steps. I have not confronted, got all up in someone else’s business. I just sit here hurt and feeling worthless. I just assume that everyone is aware how much pain I am enduring and they simply do not care. Or worse, they are not thinking about it at all. So, I’m sure I will continue the endless and vicious cycle. I’ll walk away. I have resolved to no longer be negative, but I am sinfully bitter. My pride is overwhelming. Even if I go back now, I would just be a downer that no one will want to deal with. I want to be stronger and better, but I am struggling. Right now I am lost and looking for the Shepherd. I am listening for His voice. I know He is speaking to me, but His voice is not in the thunder or the lightening, but in the gentle wind.
Comments
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